Five Years In: Why I Still Don't Drink

I’ve shared my reasons for quitting drinking before, but as I approach five years sober from alcohol, I’ve been reflecting on what this choice has really meant to me, and why I continue to stay alcohol-free.

I didn’t have a dramatic rock bottom. There was no single moment of clarity. It was the early days of COVID, and I was struggling. Mentally, emotionally, physically—everything felt out of sync. I needed a reset. So I cut out alcohol, sugar, and caffeine. Anything that made it harder to sleep, breathe, or feel at ease. Anxiety attacks had become part of my routine, and I knew something had to shift. Removing those triggers was the only thing that felt within my control.

Quietly quitting drinking gave me space. Space to think, to feel, and to take stock of my relationship with alcohol. A relationship I’ve continued to examine ever since.

In the five years since, life has changed dramatically. I went to and graduated from business school, got engaged, launched a company, got married, and had a baby. It’s been a whirlwind, and I genuinely don’t think I’d be navigating it all as clearly or calmly if I were still drinking.

Alcohol used to be a social crutch for me. It helped me let go—something I still crave, honestly. But I struggled to moderate. And without healthy tools to relax or blow off steam, drinking became the easiest and most destructive option.

Now, with so much change and responsibility in a relatively short period, I find myself reflecting on who I was then and who I’ve become. I’m no longer the work-hard, play-hard party girl. I’m a homebody now. I love spending time with my baby. I like going to bed early. But letting go of my old self hasn’t been simple.

A few weeks ago, my husband went to Coachella. And while the FOMO wasn’t as intense as I expected, it still stirred something in me. A kind of nostalgia for the carefree way I used to spend my weekends. Sobriety has given me control over my life. But sometimes, I miss the feeling of losing it.

I’m still learning how to let go in ways that feel safe, fun, and real. I’m still figuring out how to be myself—not just a mom, not just a wife, not just a CEO, but just me.

And still, I stay sober. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Because I like waking up clear. Because I trust myself more this way. Because my joy feels earned, not borrowed.

Sobriety has become less about what I’ve given up and more about what I’ve made space for. Deeper relationships. Better sleep. Honest reflection. Real connection. A sense of peace I never had when I was drinking.

As I reach this five-year mark, I’m not mourning what I’ve left behind. I’m grateful for everything I’ve gained.